Marriage is the joyous union of two people who’ve optimistically vowed to love one another ’til death do they part. But as all married people soon find out, marriage is work. Serious work. And sometimes you wish the vows had been a little more specific; like, “I promise to love you in sickness and in health, but if you leave your FREAKING clothes on the floor in front of the hamper one more time you’ll be sleeping on the couch.” Or, “for richer or for poorer unless you’re spending all of our money on throw pillows at Target.”
Fortunately, there are people out there who understand the marriage struggle is real and they make fun of it so we can laugh instead of crying. Seriously, laughter is the best medicine, and once you and your spouse read these tweets you’ll forget what you were even fighting about. Probably.
I promise to love, honor, and cherish you…unless you’re getting more sleep than me, and then you will feel my wrath.
Tell me how tired you are so I can upstage you and tell you how much more tired I am.
— Mommy Owl (@Lhlodder) September 2, 2017
I love you, but seriously, if you keep breathing that loud you won’t make it to your mid-life crisis.
Each year of marriage the involuntary noises your spouse makes increase by 10 decibels.
— Jesspacito (@mommajessiec) June 27, 2018
Sometimes locating items around the house is hard, and other times it’s just fun to irritate your spouse.
90% of marriage is one person looking for something where the other said it would be and yelling that it’s not there
— Josh (@iwearaonesie) April 30, 2018
When you know better, you do better. You’re welcome.
I didn’t even know I was the loudest cereal eater in the world until I got married.
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) July 27, 2018
You know what they say, absence makes the heart grow fonder, so get out of the kitchen!
Marriage is just your spouse perpetually standing in front of the kitchen drawer or cabinet you need to open.
— SpacedMom (@copymama) April 10, 2018
True love is letting your spouse charge their phone before you charge yours.
A fun part of marriage is arguing over who deserves to use the charger in the car. PROVE IT, SHOW ME YOUR PERCENTAGE
— Ally (@TragicAllyHere) October 28, 2017
Love is patient, love is kind. Unless of course your spouse is snoring, and then love is restraining yourself from smothering them with a pillow.
*watching husband sleep*
Me: "I just love him so much, he's my everyth-"
Me: "I can't live like this."
— Stephanie Ortiz (@Six_Pack_Mom) August 28, 2016
It’s important to see things from a different perspective every now and again.
Just realized I haven't been listening to a single word my GPS has said for the last 10 minutes and caught a glimpse of what it's like to be a husband.
— Lauren Mullen (@DraggingFeeties) February 21, 2018
Sometimes love is a battlefield.
My husband can't understand why I'm angry, like he doesn't remember what he said back in 2008.
— Sarcastic Mommy (@sarcasticmommy4) January 23, 2018
What’s mine is mine and what’s yours is also mine.
I bet my husband's favorite thing about me is how I don't order anything and then ask for sips of his drink and snatch his french fries.
— Mommy Cusses (@mommy_cusses) September 29, 2016
Marriage means being comfortable in your relationship and in your pajamas by 7PM each night. I don’t make the rules.
For every year of marriage, your wife will put on her pajama pants 20 minutes earlier.
— Abe Yospe (@Cheeseboy22) February 9, 2018
Having open and honest communication is key to a healthy marriage.
[Married Pillow Talk]
Husband: Tell me what you want.
Me: I want you to fix the kitchen faucet.
— Sara Says Stop (@PetrickSara) March 15, 2018
So the next time you’re thinking about how annoying your spouse is, just know you’re not alone. We all get annoyed with our spouses from time to time but laughing about it is more fun than ending up on an episode of Snapped.